Don’t Fight Change

The last ten years have brought about a ton of change for our family. Ten years ago, Kenneth and I relocated from Jackson, MS to Shreveport, LA to pursue an attractive job opportunity for him.  We did not have children yet, and everything seemed to make sense as we looked at this new phase of our lives.  To make a very long story really short, virtually nothing went according to plan.

We eventually made a big geographic circle by landing in Memphis, TN.   I now have the benefit of a lot of hindsight to evaluate all the sequence of events, but at the time, each and every event was a jolting and unsettling type of change.  I can now look back and see how it all made us stronger as a couple and forced us to dig deep within ourselves to find a good path for ourselves and our family.  The ride certainly wasn’t for the faint of heart.  NICU stays, unexpected job changes, financial stress, new business ventures, new family roles, an autism diagnosis, new therapists, new schools and another sweet baby – life has certainly not been dull.

I’ve written about our own roller coaster ride over the last few years, but more recently, I’ve watched family and friends face down terribly difficult circumstances that are the very definition of jolting change. They have endured cancer diagnoses, the loss of a spouse, the loss of a child, the loss of a parent, life-or-death medical procedures, and various other life events.  It’s the kind of stuff that brings you to your knees and leaves a scar on your soul.  It’s the kind of stuff that folks just would rather not talk about.  But it’s the talking about it that makes you feel supported and lets others know that you have their back. As terrible as some of those experiences are, I hope that those that have had to go through them have felt the warmth of others’ support and have experienced the grace that can come with that.

With change comes a whole lot of the unknown. It’s certainly true with an autism diagnosis as no one can know how a child will develop and change over time.  You read enough testimonials from autistic adults and their parents, and you quickly know that every story is different and no one should be counted out.   You still want to know, but part of you just accepts that you do not get to skip to the last chapter of the book – it doesn’t work that way.  So you embrace what you know, and you embrace what you’ve got in the here and now.   I have read stories of non-verbal autistic children that people thought could not comprehend the world around them only to find once they learned to type on a computer that they were there the whole time with so much to say. No one should get counted out.

Change is hard, and sometimes it’s not a jolt at all. Sometimes it’s what used to feel familiar and right and good just doesn’t anymore.  It can be hard to open yourself up to the idea of making a change because we get safe in the known.  I hated change when I was a kid, but it didn’t take too many life events before I realized that sometimes change can be good and it really can be better on the other side.  And if it’s not?  Well then, make another change.  It can be hard to admit to yourself that a past decision was just wrong. I try to remember that God is there throughout our lives and most especially during difficult times.  When viewed through that lens, it’s not necessarily easier, but the outlook is painted in a different light – one with a sense of purpose greater than ourselves.

I hope that for folks in the midst of a transition or change that they are able to open themselves up to the possibilities and silver lining to whatever set of circumstances lay before them.  I hope that those that have been through hell over the last year or so can find a place to take a breath and rest their soul.   Peace is a good thing, and when you find a peaceful place, the courage it took to get you there is empowering.  I’m wise enough now to know that I shouldn’t get too comfortable, and I am also well aware that I’m not driving.